Fairy Tale Whose Only Goal Is To Torture The Cast!
by Youkai Huntress
Summary: “There was once a King in the Highlands who had a quarrel with a wizard.”


Y_H:= Youkai_Huntress/ Wow! Y_H does look wear!

Zel: This is great! The authoress seems to be drunk

Y_H: Why do you say it? Just because I drank a bottle of tequila? I love my country and I love tequila!

Amelia: Very nice Miss authoress -_-; ….. I may do the warnings: There are hints of the cannon couples, so if you have strong feelings against them, you're in time to leave. 

Y_H: Quiero más tequila!

The Greyhound And The Green Girl 

Amelia: I have a bad feeling about all this.

Lina: Am I getting paid for doing this?

Y_H: Do not interrupt!

"There was once a King in the Highlands who had a quarrel with a wizard."

Zangulus is standing in front of a palace, dressed as always. Xellos appears behind him and startles the swordsman.

Gourry: Since when Tangucus is a king?

Lina: Firstly is Zangulus, secondly this is a play, Jellyfish brains! But actually he's one or bound to be one since he married Martina.

Gourry: Who?

Lina: Forget it.

Gourry:  If he is a king, why is he still wearing that hat?  It's just plain wear.

Zel: You don't remember who he is but you recall his hat. O_O

Gourry: Well, it is too ridiculous to be forgotten.

Amelia: I think Mr. Gourry has a point.

Zangulus: This is GREAT! I don't appear in lots of stories, and when I finally come into view in one it has to be a silly fairy tale, where people makes fun of my hat!. 

Y_H: Life is unjust, get used!

Amelia: Ahhhhhhh! What has she just said? You cannot be more mistaken, authoress, justice is within each of us and..

Y_H: Amelia look! They're accepting new members in the Justice League. Go and make us proud!  

Amelia: Justice League! Sounds as the kind of group I want to enroll!

Lina: What is that Justice League?

Y_H: A group of handsome, well-built superheroes, who fight for justice and to finish evil off. 

Lina: Not interested

Y_H: Did I mention that most of them are rich?

Lina: Amelia! Wait for me!

(Zel and Gourry try to get away)  

Y_H: And where you think you two are going?

Zel: I heard my cure was over there.

(Points to the direction where Lina and Amelia left)

Gourry: I thought we were following them. Wasn't that the plan?

Zel: -___- ; Ehh….Whatever

Y_H: Go after them! Just don't do anything I wouldn't do! Oh..wait, that allows you to do everything…. Well, behave. 

Zangulus: You see what I'm talking about, nobody pays me enough attention.

Martina: I do! My Zangi, banni, pushie, tangie, waggie!

Xellos: Didn't know that were your other names.

Y_H: Can we go on with the story?

Xellos: As soon as Zangi, banni, pushie, tangie, waggie and Martina end making out.

Y_H: How can you possibly memorize those nicknames so fast? O_O

Xellos: That is a secret ^_^

Y-H: Ahem…On with the story.

"How it happened we do not know—whether the wizard killed the King or whether he only willed his death—but the King died very suddenly"

Zangulus: You see I just appeared for five secs!

Xellos: But your nicknames will be stuck in the mind of the readers! Zangi, tanny, baggie!

"He died leaving his son Zelgy and his daughter Linagy alone."

Lina & Zel magically appear.

Lina: What the heck? I was about to roast Gourry, so can you teletransport me back, NOW!

Filia: What happened?

Zel: Something about Lina don't having the wonders, the Wonder Woman has.

Filia: Oh! Why did I have to ask? o_O 

"Zelgy and Linagy  had a big old castle"

Lina: Yeahh! Great for me! A castle all for me! 

Zel: Excuse me but she said it belonged to the two of us.

Lina: Can I lock Zelgy in the cellar?

"But they didn't have much money. For the King was poor, as kings go; and they had few friends, and no servants."

Lina: AHHHHHhhHHHHHHHHH! So what good is being a princess? No gold coins, no servants!….Zel, would you..

Zel: I'm not going to be your servant.

"The wizard came to see them, and"

Xellos: Poor young things! Although your father, the King, quarreled with me, I should like to be your friend.

Zel: Of course and later we can all jump into the castle's pond from the 7th floor, after having drinking poison.

Xellos: Sounds as a date to me! ^_^

Zel:  X_X

Amelia: Mr. Zelgadiss! ;_;

Beast_Master: My little boy is going on a date! This is a Kodak moment!  

The rest of the cast: o_O

Y_H: Focus on the story!

"But Zelgy distrusted the wizard, and felt sure that he only wanted to get possession of the golden scepter and the inlaid sword that were the dead King's greatest treasures."

Xellos: I wonder why Zelgy doesn't trust me? I cannot think of someone more trusty than I. 

"So Zelgy stole out in the night, carrying the sword and the scepter. He made for the nearest mountain, which was a very difficult hill to climb, because at all times of the year it had a glassy surface like ice."

Zel: Stupid Mountain!, Stupid Ice! Damn another crack! –Falls for his chimera weight-

Xellos: And he drowns and stays in the bottom for the rest of eternity, and Amelia and I lived ever happily!

Amelia: AHHHHHHHHH! X_X 

"But Zelgy knew it well, and he soon reached the cairn on the top. He pulled the cairn down, stone by stone, placed the scepter and the sword at its base, and rebuilt it. And then, tired out with all his exertion, he lay down and fell asleep."

Amelia: He looks so cute when he's sleeping!

Lina: Amelia loves Zel! Amelia loves Zel! Amelia and Zel sitting on a tree!

-Zel is blushing while Lina teases Amelia-

Filia quickly puts her hand on Xellos' mouth.

Filia: We don't want to hear what you've had to say!……-Makes a disturbing face and goes running- AHHH! HE licked me! Dirty namagomi saliva!

Xellos: Wait dear! There's much of you that I haven't licked… yet!

Amelia: Readers leave and save your pure and chaste hearts!

Gourry: I don't get the whole thing about readers having pure hearts. 

The wizard, meanwhile, had wakened, and finding Zelgy's bed empty, he thought"

Xellos: Why aren't you here with me, sweetie?

Lina: That is gross, even for you

Xellos: What can that lad be doing at this time of night? I must go after him and find out.

"He traced Zelgy by his footprints on the dewy grass right to the foot of the mountain, which he proceeded to climb. He took a very long time to reach the mountaintop, but when he got up, there was Zelgy, lying sound asleep, and at his mercy."

Xellos –Licks his own lips-

Amelia: Nooooo! What is he going to do to him? Wake up Mr. Zelgadiss!

Lina: Y_H are you trying to tell me that you actually read things like this to children? 

"Aha! I have you now! he snarled, and he began to chant a horrid spell, as he made some waving motions over the sleeping boy."

Xellos: -singing- I'm too sexy for my pants! –then he dances around Zel, shaking his hips-

-Lina covers Amelia's eyes, while Gourry covers Lina's-

Zel: And who's going to cover my eyes?!

Xellos.- I'm too sexy for my shirt!

Y_H: Stop it Xellos! That's enough chanting!

Xellos.-   (-.-)

"And poor Zelgy woke to find that the wizard had turned him into a greyhound (well in Zelgy case a bluehound ^_^), and in that form he had to retrace his way down the mountain-side."

Zel: Noooooo! Cursed Again! And now I'm a dog! 

Amelia: Oww! I want to hold it, to pet it, and to call it George!

Lina: Using old jokes from the Looney toons, sad!

Gourry: How could you have known that?

Lina: I know it all! –Hides the authoress' notes-

"The wizard now turned his attention to Linagy, who was a very pretty girl with a skin like milk and roses."

Lina: Finally someone recognizes my beauty!

Xellos: I have always done it!

Lina: Someone who actually counts.

Xellos: -__-

"He did not change her form, but he changed her color to grass green, and he roared with laughter when he saw the result."

Lina: My skin! My beautiful, milky, creamy skin!

Gourry: Suddenly I felt hungry…Lina what happened to you? Are you sick? I told you to give that meatball or you'd get ill. But don't worry I'm here for you   -Holds her-

Lina: Gourry –blushing-

Gourry: Even if you look as an alien or if you don't have the wonders the Wonder Woman has. –still holding-

Lina: Fireball!

Y_H: Could we end the fairy tale before the next century?

Xellos: Look at the bonny pair of you now! You will never become as you were, unless and until, and indeed it is not very likely to happen, you, Zelgy, can find a beautiful girl who will of her own free will marry a blue rocky greyhound! And until you, Linagy, have nursed three children of a King's son, and got a kiss from a King's lips. Until that happens, the bones of your father must lie unburied ! 

Lina: Eww! The palace is going to stink because of those rotten bones! Well, at least I won't have to buy a toy for Zel.

Zel: I may be in the form of a dog, but that doesn't mean I'm going to act like one! 

–Scratches his body with his paw-

Xellos: Someone needs an anti-flea collar ^_^

"Time went on, and the King of a far-away region set out with his followers to make war on a neighboring King. They were marching among the hills when a great mist came down and veiled the mountains, so that they could not tell in what direction the were going at all."

Gourry: Yeah! I'm in the story!…. What was I supposed to say?… Oh! I remember. Next time I'll listen to my advisors when they told me compass are something necessary.

"One wandered here to seek the road, and another wandered there; and although the King kept calling to them to keep together, they soon got separated. 

The first time he called, three hundred voices answered him. The second time, only thirty replied; then only three; and at last, none at all ! So there he was—a King without a single follower, and he not even knowing where his kingdom lay! He wandered up and down, and at last he came to the Castle where the greyhound and the green girl lived."

Xellos: I bet that all the soldiers went to a strip dancers club! ^_^

"They gave him food and a bed, and the tired King slept for many hours."

Xellos: Alone? ^_^

Lina: That's enough –Opens a chest, locks Xellos in there, and puts chains all around it- 

"Next day, when the King was looking about the Castle grounds, he saw some bones lying in a corner and he began to kick them idly."

Gourry: Who needs a soccer ball when you have bones? Here it comes, Gabriev, the best soccer player ever!

Amelia: Be careful Mr. Gourry, you could hurt someone. I told Miss Lina, we shouldn't let him play so many videogames.

Gourry: Now prepare for Gabriev Super Kick!

 A bone goes flying after the Gabriev super kick, directed to,

Grabos: Hey, I brought tea for everyone as Filia told me …My Left Eye! My left eye! Now I can't see at all!

Amelia: I told you Mister Gourry!

The nurse Joy and Chancey come to take Grabos to the hospital. 

Lina: Pokemon gives me the creeps!

Amelia: Why are they taking Mr. Grabos if he's not a pokemon?

Xellos: Your wrong Miss Amelia, everyone knows that the dragons descend from the pokemon and share the same intelligence. For example, a pokemon would repeat its name once and again. A dragon, specially a certain golden dragon, repeats the word namagomi not because she's talking to us but because she's telling us her name. 

Filia: Damn namagomi! Wait until I finish disinfecting my hand!

Y_H: On with the story, NOW! By the way, I can feel a demand coming! Thank you very much, Gourry! 

"To his surprise the greyhound sprang at him angrily, and, finding his tongue, he said to the King,"

Zel: Touch not the bones of my father!

Gourry: But why……..-whispering- Zel what is my next line?

Zel: -exasperated face- do you not bury your father's bones?"

Gourry: Alright! Why don't you bury my father's bones?

Zel: You refer to MY father's bones. 

Gourry: Yeah! That's what I meant

Lina: -_-

Zel: There is a spell upon me and I may not bury the bones until some girl will, of her own free will, marry me as I am. Look at me and tell me if that is likely to happen!

Rezzo: Like if it would have been likely to happen when you weren't a dog. 

-Zel growls at the red priest-

Xellos: Rezzo! What a nice surprise! What do you think of poker tonight? I could tell you about other little curses to practice on your grandson/great-grandson.

Amelia: -In a very low voice- I would marry Mr. Zelgadiss not mattering which his form were.

Lina: I knew it!

Amelia: I was just practicing for the play! I swear it!

Lina: Liar!

Amelia: Look, behind you there's a magical cream which will make your breasts larger!

Lina: Where?

Amelia takes her chance to make a quick exit.

Gourry: Well, I have three daughters who are all beautiful. When I go back to my kingdom I will try to convince one of them to come here and break the spell by marrying you. Shall I go and fetch one of them now?

Zel: How did you manage to remember all of that?

Gourry: Remember what?

Zel: Never mind.

Gourry: I wonder why people keeps on saying that.

Zel: No, no! We might never set eyes on you again! I'll tell you what, I shall keep you here as a hostage and send a message to your daughters to come and free you. My sister will put on her shoes that run by themselves where they are bidden, and she will soon bring them to you!

Xellos: Kidnapping! This tale was a little bit of everything! 

Lina: Great! I haven't talked in ages and now I have to fetch some girls for Zel! The payment must be really good, or someone, better known as my manager, will get roasted.   

"So the green girl put on the shoes that run by themselves and, covering her face with a veil, she set out for the far-away kingdom. And, in response to the King's urgent message, his three daughters returned with the green girl."

Lina: These shoes may be fast but they're horrible!

Martina: Lina you're wrong, they look wonderful on you, after all they combine with your green skin.

Lina: Fireball! Now your black shoes go perfectly with your skin. No need to thank me.

Zel: So, you have returned sister!

Lina: Yes, now don't bother me I'll be watching the price is right!

Gourry: That was OOC!

"When the King told them why he had sent for them the two eldest were very indignant"

Martina: Really, father! You must be in your dotage to imagine that one of us would consent to marry a greyhound!

Filia: In any case, you have only his word that marriage would restore him to human form and besides which he is nothing to us.

Rezzo: Not a surprise, after all Zel didn't inherit my charm. ^_^

Xellos: Do you think so? By the way watch out for the lamp. 

Rezzo: Which lamp? –Stumbles in the mentioned lamp-

Rezzo: You did it on purpose. \__/

Xellos: Who? Me? ^_^

Amelia: Father, I would remain at the Castle as a hostage, so you can go back to our kingdom, until the end of the year, when surely one of my sisters would be willing to take my place. 

Martina: Sit while waiting! 

"So she stayed on, and she and the green girl slept in the same room, guarded every night by the greyhound."

Xellos: What would have happened if Lina weren't in that room? Anyone who wants to write a lemon about it, can e-mail me at trickster_priest@metallium.com , I'd happily help you writing it. ^_^

Amelia: But Mr. Xellos, it's supposed that Mr. Zelgadiss is in the form of a dog  –blushing-

Xellos: I know it! ^_~

Filia: -Hits him with her mace- Sick minded namagomi!

"When the King returned at the end of the year he was alone, and the youngest daughter said,"

Amelia: Why have you not brought one of my sisters to take my place?

Xellos: Because when they saw the strip dancers club where all my soldiers are, they decided to join in. ^_^

Y_H: Xellos! Stop messing the story!

Gourry: Because they both refused to accompany me.

Lina: So much for sibling- love   -_-

Amelia: Well, father, I might be worse off than I am. The green girl and the greyhound have both been very kind to me. So, my dear father, for your sake I will marry the greyhound and you can return to your kingdom.

Xellos: Right! Like if for her were a sacrifice to marry Zel! ^_~

Lina: I'm sure she have been planning the wedding since she got to the palace!  ^_^

Xellos & Lina: Amelia and Zel sitting on a tree! 

Lina: Look he's blushing –points Zel- 

Gourry: I had never seen a dog blush! O.O

Zel glares and growls.

"The green girl joyfully fetched a priest, and while the marriage ceremony was going on, Amelia stood with her eyes closed, that she might not see her strange bridegroom." 

Xellos: If you want me, we could tray places Miss Amelia. Or I know thousands girls who would tray places with you. Although I'm not so sure since most of them hate you. ^_ ~

Amelia: Ra Tilt!

Lina: There's no wedding or fic without magic!

Zel:  Look at me, my little wife.

Lina –giggle, winks at Zel- ^_~

Zel and Amelia are blushing.

"She opened her eyes very wide indeed, for there stood before her the handsomest young man she had ever seen! Her consent to marry him had restored his own shape to the greyhound, who was once more Zelgy and the bride was now full of happiness."

Zel: I'm no longer a dog…..Damn it! I'm still a chimera! \_/

Amelia: But I love you even if you are one! 

Lina: I knew it! 

Amelia: It's here on the script! –Blushes-

Lina: Yeah! Right 

"Zelgy went and fetched two treasures to show to his father-in-law---the golden scepter and the inlaid sword that he had buried under the cairn on the hill. And he was thankful that he could now bury his father's bones."

Xellos: Sorry Zel, you won't be able to play with them again! ^-^

"When the King returned, well pleased, to his kingdom and told his elder daughters how happy their sister was, they were full of envy."

 Martina: Well, she may have got her Prince, but it will be very unpleasant to have to live with a grass-green sister-in-law! 

Lina: Care to repeat that?

"But the King told them that the green girl was no longer in the Castle, for she' had gone to live at the foot of the hill."

Lina: Why would I do something that stupid? Sure, I love freezing in the hill!  *.*

"The two jealous sisters made a wicked plan; that, if a child should come to their sister, one of them would steal it away from her."

Filia: The people from fairy tales aren't lucky at all. 

"And sure enough, when a baby was born to Zelgy and his wife, the eldest sister came secretly to the Castle and stole to the room where the baby was. She opened the door stealthily, and was creeping up to the cradle in which it lay, when a green hand came in at the window and lifted out the child before she could reach it. So the eldest sister had to return home and confess that her plot had failed."

Zel: Too late to get security staff! 

Amelia: My sweet baby! ;_;

Zel: It was just a doll.

Amelia: Yes, but Zelly had already won a place in my heart, he never got to play with his rubber duck, neither did he wear his hand-made clothes. I didn't teach him how to be a justice warrior! ;_;

Zel: Whatever our plastic son is, I assure he's OK. 

Amelia: Do you think so? 

Xellos: I have the solution to your pain, just have a real kid and you won't miss the fake one! I offer myself as the father! ^_~

Amelia: No thanks! 

Zel: I'm tired of you and your insinuations! –Chases after Xellos-

Xellos: Zel! I know you had always had feeling for me, but don't you think that make it so obvious will hurt some of your fans or Amelia? ^_~

Zel: Ra Tilt!

 "The same thing happened in the case of two other babes, the green girl rescuing them from the envious sisters just in time; and with the rescue of the third child half the spell that the wizard had put upon Linagy was broken, because now she had nursed three babies of a King's son."

Xellos: Three plastic babies! We should buy a TV for Amelia and Zel, so they can have other ways of entertainment.

Filia: -__-

Xellos: Don't make that face, you'll find a nice man to have plastic babies with, for example there is Rezzo, who's blind, therefore your face won't scare him.

Xellos: X_X

Filia: I love mace-sama!

"She gave back the children to the young couple, who were frantic with joy at their recovery"

Amelia: Zelly, Amy, Dixie Our kids are finally with us, Mr. Zelgadiss!

Zel: Whatever.

Amelia: My father must be told what my sisters have done.

"And she asked the green girl to carry a message to the King, asking him to return with her."

Lina: Is this story ever going to end?

"So Linagy once more put on the shoes that run by themselves and went off to fetch the King. When they were nearing the Castle the King said to Linagy,"

Gourry: A heavy hat comet over me. I must die downy and speak for a whine.

Lina: You mean a heaviness has come over you, so  you must lie down and sleep for a while! Jellyfish Brains!

Gourry: And what did I say?

Lina whacks Gourry and he falls unconscious. 

"And the king lay down at the foot of the hill and went off to sleep. Scarcely had his eyes closed when a gentle voice from the top of the mountain said"

Sylphiel: I have long watched for a chance to help you, and now it has come! I am the fairy of the mist that hovers round the hill, and if you will climb the mountain I will give you a cup of wine distilled from mist, which is one of the things that the wizard has no control over. Then, if you can get back to the King and make him drink the wine on his awaking, the wizard's spell may be broken. You must also get the King to give you a kiss before you can regain your old form, but that you can manage for yourself! What! Miss Lina is going to kiss Gourry Dear, oh such an unfortunate destiny lies in front of me, I must help the girl who takes away my only chance for happiness, but I stay here quiet and silent without daring to interfere.

-Change background to the Anime Academy Awards-

Misao from Rurouni Kenshin: Don't you think this awards rock, Aoshi-sama?

Aoshi from Rurouni Kenshin: ………..

Misao: I see you agree. Well, the nominees for best drama actress are:

Sango from Inu Yasha

Candy from Candy, Candy

And Sylphiel from Silly Fairy Tale Whose Only Goal Is To Torture The Slayers Cast 

Misao: And the winner is

Aoshi: …………….

Misao: It seems as I'll be telling that too. The winner is Sylphiel from  Silly Fairy Tale Whose Only Goal Is To Torture The Slayers Cast 

Sylphiel: I want to thank all my fans

-Cricket sound except for 5 persons that are clapping-

Miroku from Inu Yasha: Don't worry Sango, I'm here to comfort you, come into my arms.

Sango: No thanks -__-;

Candy: I knew I should have got another secondary character killed. 

Y_H:  Back to the story please! –Low voice- They didn't invite me to those awards. 

"Linagy, of course, began to climb the hill at once, and though she often slid back"

Lina: Damn Stupid Hill! Let's see how hard to climb you are after a Dragon Slave

Amelia and Gourry appear with their jackets from the LIAT /Lina Inverse Alarm Team

Zel: When did they form that group?

Amelia through a speaker: Take cover!

Gourry through a speaker too: This area is Lina dangerous, all who appreciate their lives, please abandon the place.

Y_H: Lina if you destroyed the hill, I promise I will make sequels of this fairy tale and next time you'll be painted of the most ridiculous color I can find!

Lina: -Shoots a fireball at Xellos- I feel better

Xellos: In the sadistic language a fireball means I love you ^_^

Gourry: It does? That means Lina must really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really love me.

Xellos: -.-

"She reached the top at last; and there, in the mist that hovers around the mountain-top, stood a cup of golden wine."

Xellos: But Naga appeared and drink it all at once!

"She looked about for the fairy, but a voice said,"

Sylphiel: You need not look for me, Linagy. I am an invisible fairy, the spirit of the mist. So take the cup and return as fast as possible, for I think the King is about to waken. –She's crying and embracing one autographed photo of Gourry-

Xellos: I don't know if it the mist, or the fact we've been doing this tale for too long, or if it the pain that emanates from your person, but Sylphiel you look lovely today. ^_~

Zel:  Can I go looking for my cure, now?

Xellos: Don't feel jealous, Zelly-boy. You're my only one. ^_^

Zel: For the first time in my life, I know I'm not the freakiest person around.

Xellos: Happy to help you! ^_^

Amelia: Great! First I have to deal with the cure, the commitment fear, the difficulty to trust, the crazy obsessed fan girls, and now Mr. Xellos too.

"And the green girl, holding the cup with its precious contents very carefully, slid down the mountain-side and reached the King just as his eyelids began to flicker."

Gourry: Oh dear! I am so thirsty!

Sylphlike: He called her dear! 

Xellos: Zelgadiss you're just an aperitif compared with the whole feast Sylphiel is turning into. ^_^ I love this tale!

Lina: Then drink, sire!

"Said the green girl tremulously as she held out the cup of wine. He drank it, and lying back with closed eyes, he said,"

Gourry: If only you were not green, I should give you a kiss for that delicious wine. It has made me feel quite young again!

Zel: Racist! 

Amelia: I personally like colored skin very much. 

Zel –blushes-

Lina: You could kiss me without looking at me….What! Wait a minute, nobody told me anything about getting kissed! I refuse, I'm not paid enough!

Y_H: But if you already do it in the Sea of Chaos

All: What?

Y_H: Nothing…..Lina, it could be worse, you could be kissing Noonsa

Gourry: Look! Lina's green skin is getting greener! 

Amelia: Who's Noonsa?

Zel: You don't want to know.

Gourry: So I could and so I will, for something in the wine told me to.

Lina: The wine also spoke to Naga. Too bad neither of them were intelligent.

"Closing his eyes he drew Linagy to him and kissed her lips"

 -5 minutes later-

Amelia: Should we make them stop? You know, if they keep like this we won't end this tale never.

Filia: That's so inappropriate! There could be kids watching.

Xellos: I'm going to puck! If it only they were kissing out of animal instincts! But is another their reason!

Zel: I think someone is going to be freed of sexual tension.

All but the kissing couple and Zel: o_O

Zel: What? 

"And when the King opened his eyes, expecting to see the green girl, what was his amazement to see instead a lovely blushing creature with a skin of milk and roses"

Lina: Yeah! I'm back to my beautiful self! –Proceeds to kiss her image on a mirror-

Gourry: Where is the green girl?

Lina: I am she, I am free now from the spell that the wizard cast over me, for I have nursed the three babes of a King's son, and I have received a kiss from a King's lips!

Gourry: Linagy,  if I were not too old for you, I should like to make you my Queen, for I love you!

Amelia: -In a low voice- All he needed was a kiss to fall in love with her!?…..Mr. Zelgadiss, would you come with me just for a minute?

Zel: What for?

Amelia: I think I saw a book called 10001 Cures For The Modern Chimera behind the hill.

Lina: But, sire, you look every bit as young as my brother, Zelgy.

Zel: I think it's time for me to use Bortox. –Says before disappearing with Amelia behind the hill-

"And a voice said from the mist that hovered round the hill,"

Sylphiel: Take your bride, O King, for I have lifted half your years from you that you may make Linagy happy. The wizard can never again harm her, for both of his spells have been broken. And from now onwards the fairy of the mist that hovers round the hill will make life golden for the girl with the skin of milk and roses that was known as The Green Girl.

Xellos: That's the end? No bloody baths! No senseless violence! Not even one miserable death from a secondary character! What a lousy conclusion! That means that to fulfill my desires I'll have to annoy Filia until the end of times. Who knows I may be a good influence to young Val. 

Filia: Stay away from him. Namagomi!

Xellos: I'll show him how to kill animals, humans, dragons, elves, goblins, fairies, everything that moves! Hey, even kill things that don't move  Then I'll teach him how to smile 24/7. I could even instruct him in how to create minions! Just think in the bright future he'll have! He'll have lots on fans ready to become slaves and will be paired to all kind of things.  

Filia: Nooooo! Wait a minute, when you said minions, you're talking about your little cones, aren't you? They're the only nice thing about you, I have always wondered how will they look with pink ribbons. 

Xellos:  They are no cute!

Filia: are too!

Xellos: are not!

Filia: are too!

Lina: Living thousands of years doesn't make you any more mature.

Gourry: Are they talking about ice-cream cones?

Zel: Amelia, my sweetest love! I shall marry you within five minutes! Let's look for a priest!

Lina: Have you seen something more OOC?

Amelia: I should have kissed him before!

Gourry: It looks as someone did free some sexual tension.

EL FIN

FINITO

The End

_H : The Slayers Cast do not belong to me. But  who would have said that torturing them with pointless stories would be so fun?

Zel: Just all the fic writers think is fun..  -__-

Amelia: All the fic writers are unjust! ;_;

Y-H: Be thankful I'm one of your fans  ^_~

Neither does Rurouni Kenshin, Inu Yasha or Candy, Candy belong to me though I think it was quite obvious.

Thanks for reading!

So you like it? Or you hate it? Send me a review and destroy my self-esteem or make my ego bigger! Just review!. 

Those who sent the nicest reviews will receive a jacket from LIAT, the book 10001 Cures For The Modern Chimera, the golden scepter and the inlaid sword (That are completely meaningless) and a bottle of tequila! So review!


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